Keyes Says Christ Would Not Vote For Obama

In a surprising and rare foray into Illinois politics, Jesus Christ, son of famed Lord Thy God, has made his first major partisan endorsement in centuries. Last night at a press conference in Springfield, IL, the Son of Man made his public endorsement of conservative senatorial candidate Alan Keyes while criticizing Keyes' opponent, Barack Obama.

"He who is without sin may cast the first stone, and that's exactly what I'm doing, at Obama," said the now-GOP Savior. Jesus further explained his decision to become involved, "Alan Keyes has been endorsing me for his entire adult life. His policies make sense to me as the Lord. Obama on the otherhand is like a Samaritan, but not the good kind of Samaritan, one of those filthy Samaritans that fulfill the old stereotype."

When asked at what point in the campaign He decided to get involved, Jesus replied, "When I realized that Obama was a Pharisee, not literally of course, but in that 'hey, that guy's a total Pharisee' kind of way. Besides, I could easily picture him reaching for "extra" bread at a supper, if you know what I mean."

Although he has commented in the past, Christ has not officially endorsed a political figure since the coronation of Holy Roman Emperor Charlemagne in 800 A.D.

According to most biblical scholars, Jesus may have been born in Bethlehem around 4 B.C. He held positions throughout the Galilee region of Israel including: carpenter, fisher of men, miracle worker, healer, and Messiah. He was sentenced to death for treason by the Roman Government, rose from death, and now resides with His Father in Heaven where he plans to stay until He "returns" at some undisclosed time in the "near future."

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